I am a piss boy now.

Check on your friends that keeping listening to the same 2 albums ad nauseam.

Not me tho.

I broke out of my comfort zone and listened to an album by The National for the first time last night. I’m not exaggerating - one of their songs changed my fucking life.

The name? No clue. I forgot to look.

Let’s get into it:

Intimacy
has always felt dangerous to me.
Like cutting with a butter knife.

/

I don’t remember when it was, or why it started
But I remember how we argued as we laughed.

“You’re making this harder on yourself.”
“It’s more dangerous when it’s dull.”
“Why won’t you just use a regular knife?”

But I sawed through my lime
as if I didn’t hear him.
Standing barefoot in the kitchen
I drew my line in the sand.

It didn’t happen all at once,
but I only use butter knives.

The kitchen as my witness,
I wield them with pride.
Not as weapons, but as banners.
Sawing through anything other than margarine
became a challenge and I happily accepted.

Humbly, I declare my victories.

To be clear, I’m not stubborn.
But this is a lie.

It didn’t happen at all once.
I only use butter knives.

Most days now, my hands fumble around
inside an open drawer full of utensils.
It’s become my Pavlovian signal
for a little bit of attention.
In this imaginary game that I’ve decided we are playing.

I wonder if he ever gets tired.

Of my battles
and my conquests
and my refusals
and my pride.

I wonder if he ever gets tired.

But I show him all of my worst sides
to remind myself
that he’ll never hold them against me.

It didn’t happen all at once.

/

Intimacy
has always felt dangerous to me
like cutting with a butter knife.

Things I’d share with you if we were in a group chat:

Mom! Wake up! I’m a piss boy, now!

Rob Gronkowski knows ball. But does he know women?

I forgot this scene existed. We used to quote it daily in highschool. 

I’ve never bought a Cameo before. But this one seems worth every penny.

I’ve been trying to read more. Here’s Listening to Taylor Swift in Prison.

oh the song was The System Only Dreams In Total Darkness.
Until next time. -cd