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Plug up your holes... safely
cooter doodle
March 27, 2023
[5]
My friend recently bought these ear plugs that came with a scary warning label. Apparently if you just pull them out, it can cause a suction on your ear drum with the increased pressure from removing the plug.
So if you don’t want to pull your ear drum out along with the plug, you have to ‘break the seal’ first.
andddd that’s basically why I’m terrified to use a DivaCup.
Let’s get into today’s newsletter:
Manifesting: A ‘How To’
Your life has nothing to do with hard work, preparation, opportunity, or any of those propaganda-filled buzzwords. Don’t you know that you can just sit around and will things into existence?
Here’s how I manifested:
Free Netflix for a Year
Back in 2020, I forgot to look at the charges on my credit card throughout the entirety of my quarantine-haze. Never saw a single penny leave my account and still watched every episode of New Girl. Twice.
A Positive Mindset
Before I discovered the power of manifestation, my mind used to slip into a constant cycle of negativity and anxiety when the world around me was quiet.
Now, by simply keeping my phone within 12 inches of my face at all times and streaming podcasts on television while simultaneously playing my favorite music on Alexa, I’ve manifested a thought-free lifestyle.
No Longer Needing Coffee
I recognized that my caffeine consumption was becoming problematic when it was the first thing I thought about after waking up and the first thing I thought about after lunch.
I knew I needed to manifest change, so I began telling myself that I didn’t need coffee. And it worked!
Now, instead of having a crippling caffeine dependency, I just drink coffee every morning and afternoon because I enjoy the taste.
Taco Tuesday
Last Tuesday, I texted all of my friends, “Tacos? I’m hungry and I don’t feel like cooking,” until one of them was also hungry and didn’t feel like cooking either. The rest is history.
Taylor Swift Concert Tickets
After signing up for a pre-sale code from four different email accounts, I meditated for several hours across the span of two days in the Ticketmaster queue.
Then, I simply repeated affirmations of: “this is f*cking bullsh*t” and “what’s the point of a pre-sale code if the queue never f*cking moves!”
I used to believe that I had a terrible sense of direction, but I’m convinced that I just wasn’t paying enough attention. Now that my survival rests in my own hands, I can definitely tell the difference between left and right.
But my left, isn’t always your left. And my right isn’t always your right, even if I am always right. Right?
I’ve never realized how self-centered our concept of directionality is.
But what if you didn’t anchor directionality to your own body?
What if you didn’t have a “right arm”?
What if everything around you was connected?
Malcolm, apropos of nothing at all, brought up the Wintu in north-central California, who don’t use the words left and right to describe their own bodies but use the cardinal directions. I was enraptured by this description of a language and behind it a cultural imagination in which the self only exists in reference to the rest of the world, no you without the mountains, without sun, without sky. As Dorothy Lee wrote, “When the Wintu goes up the river, the hills are to the west, the river to the east; and a mosquito bites him on the west arm. When he returns, the hills are still to the west, but, when he scratches his mosquito bite, he scratches his east arm.” In that language, the self is never lost the way so many contemporary people who get lost in the wild are lost, without knowing the directions, without tracking their relationship not just to the trail but to the horizon and the light and the stars, but such a speaker would be lost without a world to connect to, lost in the modern limbos of subways and department stores. In Wintu, it’s the world that’s stable, yourself that’s contingent, that’s nothing apart from its surroundings.
Speaking of directionality, did you know you’ve been tying your shoes wrong this entire time? Seriously.
There are a lot of songs named “Gasoline”. No disrespect to Audioslave or Seether.
Until next time. -cd